How Not to Be Tortured By a Love Rival

The Agony of Infatuation: When Love Becomes Torture

Infatuation, that dizzying high, can quickly turn into a form of torture. It's like being trapped in a hall of mirrors, each reflexion distorting your sense of self and reality. One minute you're soaring, convinced you've found the one, and the next you're crashing, consumed by doubt and insecurity. It's a wild ride, and not always in a good way. I've been there, trust me. The obsessive thoughts, the constant analysis, the sheer emotional exhaustion – it's brutal. It's like your brain is stuck on repeat, playing the same painful scenarios over and over again. And the worst part? You know it's hurting you, but you can't seem to stop.

Unpacking the Paradox of Simultaneous Emotions

How can you hate and love someone at the same time? It sounds crazy, right? But it's a surprisingly common experience. You can desire someone intensely, even as you resent their behaviour or the way they make you feel. It's a messy mix of attraction and repulsion, a constant push and pull that leaves you feeling utterly confused. I remember one relationship where I was completely infatuated with this person, but they were also incredibly unreliable. I'd be head over heels one day, and furious the next. It was exhausting trying to reconcile those conflicting emotions. It felt like I was constantly fighting myself.

The Ancient Roots of Modern Heartbreak

Heartbreak isn't a new phenomenon. People have been struggling with love and loss for centuries. Catullus, the Roman poet, wrote about the agony of infatuation way back in 55 BCE. He captured the simultaneous feelings of love and hate with such raw honesty. It's comforting, in a way, to know that these emotions are part of the human experience. It doesn't make the pain any less real, but it does remind you that you're not alone. Others have felt this way, and they've survived. There's something reassuring in that shared history of heartbreak. It's a reminder that love's contradictions are timeless.

When Desire Intensifies with Dislike

It's a twisted irony: the more someone hurts you, the more you seem to want them. It's like your brain is wired to crave what it can't have. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase, or the fear of losing them to a love-rival. Whatever the reason, it's a dangerous cycle. You start to associate pain with pleasure, and the relationship becomes a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I've seen it happen, where the drama becomes addictive, and you're so caught up in the intensity that you lose sight of what's healthy. It's a recipe for disaster, and it's important to recognise the signs before it's too late.

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that intense emotions equal true love. But that's not always the case. Sometimes, the most passionate relationships are also the most destructive. It's important to step back and ask yourself if the pain is worth it. Are you truly happy, or are you just addicted to the drama?

Here are some signs that your desire might be intensifying with dislike:

• You constantly argue with your partner.

• You feel anxious or insecure when they're not around.

• You find yourself obsessing over their flaws.

• You feel a sense of relief when the relationship ends, even if it's painful.

If you recognise any of these signs, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship. It's not easy, but it's better to break free from a toxic cycle than to continue suffering. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel loved and respected, not someone who constantly hurts you. Join the Unshakeable People Club and start breaking free from the loyalty contract with pain.

Confronting the Internal Battlefield of Jealousy

Jealousy. It's a beast, isn't it? It claws its way into your mind, sets up camp, and starts a full-blown war. It's not just about them, the object of your affection and the perceived rival. It's about you. It's about the stories you tell yourself, the insecurities you nurse, and the battles you fight within your own head. It's time to face that battlefield.

The Self-Inflicted Wounds of Comparison

Comparison is the thief of joy, they say. And when it comes to jealousy, it's also a self-inflicted wound. I find myself scrolling through their social media, dissecting every interaction, every photo, every comment. I measure myself against an idealised version of them, a highlight reel carefully curated for public consumption. And of course, I always come up short. It's a rigged game, this comparison, and I'm the only one playing. I need to remember that what I see is not the whole truth, and that my own worth isn't determined by someone else's perceived perfection. It's about recognising my own strengths, my own unique qualities, and focusing on my own journey, not someone else's highlight reel. It's about stopping the self-inflicted wounds and tending to my own garden.

Navigating the Contradictory Pull of Affection and Resentment

This is where it gets really messy. I can feel genuine affection for this person, a deep connection that I cherish. But then, the green-eyed monster rears its head, and resentment starts to bubble up. It's a confusing, contradictory pull – wanting them to be happy, but also wanting them to want me more. It's like being caught in a tug-of-war with my own heart. The key, I think, is acknowledging these conflicting emotions without judgement. It's okay to feel both affection and resentment. It's human. It's about understanding that these feelings don't define me, and that I can choose how to respond to them. It's about finding a way to balance the scales, to nurture the affection while managing the resentment before it consumes me. Maybe I need to understand unfair dismissal in love before I can move on.

Recognising the Passive Nature of Your Torment

Here's the kicker: jealousy often makes me a passive observer in my own life. I'm so consumed with what they're doing, with what they might be feeling, that I forget to live my own life. I become a spectator, watching from the sidelines as my own happiness slips away. It's a passive torment, a slow burn that erodes my self-worth and leaves me feeling helpless. I need to recognise this passivity, to wake up and realise that I have the power to change the narrative. I can choose to focus on my own goals, my own passions, my own relationships. I can choose to be the protagonist of my own story, rather than a supporting character in someone else's. It's about reclaiming my agency, about taking control of my own happiness, and about refusing to let jealousy dictate my life. Maybe I need to focus on self love instead of romantic love.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that someone else holds the key to your happiness. But the truth is, the key is always within you. It's about recognising your own worth, your own strength, and your own ability to create a fulfilling life, regardless of what anyone else does or feels.

Join the Unshakeable People Club and learn how to stop being tormented by jealousy. It's time to take control of your emotions and live a life of joy and freedom. It's time to stop coping with bullying and start thriving.

Understanding the Dynamics of Betrayal

Betrayal. It's a word that carries a weight, doesn't it? It's not just about someone breaking a promise; it's about the shattering of trust, the feeling that the ground beneath you has given way. I've been there, staring into the abyss of someone's deceit, and it's a lonely, disorienting place. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about the person, about the relationship, and even about yourself. It's a raw, visceral experience that leaves scars, some visible, some hidden deep within.

The Sting of Fickleness and Infidelity

Fickleness. It's like a constant drip of poison, isn't it? The little lies, the shifting allegiances, the sense that you can't quite rely on someone's word. Infidelity, on the other hand, is the sledgehammer. It's the moment when the carefully constructed facade crumbles, revealing the ugly truth beneath. It's not just about the act itself, but the implications – the broken vows, the shattered dreams, the feeling of being utterly disposable.

Consider this:

• The erosion of trust is gradual, almost imperceptible at first.

• The pain of discovery is sharp and immediate.

• The aftermath is a long, slow process of healing (or not).

I remember the moment I found out. It wasn't some dramatic confrontation, but a quiet, insidious discovery. A text message, a carelessly left email – a tiny crack in the wall that quickly widened into a gaping chasm. The world seemed to tilt on its axis, and I felt like I was falling, endlessly falling.

When Loyalty Crumbles and Trust Erodes

Loyalty. It's the bedrock of any meaningful relationship, isn't it? It's the unspoken agreement that we'll have each other's backs, that we'll stand by each other through thick and thin. But what happens when that loyalty crumbles? When the person you thought you could count on turns their back on you? It's a betrayal that cuts deep, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. It's like unfair dismissal in love – a sudden, unexpected blow that leaves you reeling.

The Unreasonable Nature of Love's Demands

Love, in its purest form, is supposed to be unconditional. But let's be honest, it rarely is. We all have expectations, needs, and desires that we project onto our relationships. And when those expectations aren't met, when our needs are ignored, and our desires are thwarted, it can feel like a betrayal. It's the unreasonable demands we place on each other, the unspoken rules and expectations that can lead to so much heartache. It's about understanding that love isn't always fair, and that sometimes, phrases that harm relationships are spoken without malice, but with devastating consequences. It's about accepting the imperfections, the flaws, and the limitations of both ourselves and our partners. It's about finding a way to navigate the complexities of human connection without losing ourselves in the process. It's about knowing what to say in response to an affair, or whether to say anything at all.

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Reclaiming Your Agency in the Face of Rivalry

It's easy to feel like a pawn in someone else's game when you're caught in the throes of romantic rivalry. Like you're just reacting, always a step behind. But here's the thing: you're not. You have power, even when it feels like you don't. It's about grabbing the reins, even if your hands are shaking.

Moving Beyond Helpless Victimhood

I've been there, convinced I was just a leaf in the wind, tossed around by someone else's choices. But that's a lie we tell ourselves. We always have choices, even if they're hard ones. It's about recognising that you're not defined by this situation. You're not just a character in someone else's love story. You're the author of your own.

Shifting from Object to Subject of Your Emotions

It's so easy to let jealousy and resentment consume you, to become an object of your own negative feelings. But what if you could step outside of that? What if you could observe those emotions, acknowledge them, and then choose how to respond? It's not about suppressing them; it's about understanding that they don't control you. You control them. Start by acknowledging your feelings, then ask yourself why you feel that way. Understanding the why can help you take back control. It's like understanding love itself – complex, but not insurmountable.

The Power of Acknowledging Your Pain

Ignoring the pain doesn't make it go away; it just festers. Acknowledging it, really feeling it, is the first step towards healing. It's like saying, "Okay, this hurts. This really sucks." And then, instead of wallowing in it, you can start to figure out what to do with that pain. How can you channel it into something productive? How can you use it to grow? It's not easy, but it's possible. It's about finding the courage to be honest with yourself, even when it's uncomfortable.

It's about recognising that your worth isn't tied to someone else's affections. You are valuable, regardless of whether or not someone chooses to love you back. Your happiness is your responsibility, not theirs.

Join the Unshakeable People Club and start building your resilience today. It's time to take back your power and create a life that's truly your own. Remember, you can become wiser in these situations.

The Philosophical Weight of Emotional Conflict

Exploring the 'How' Rather Than the 'Why' of Suffering

I've spent too many nights staring at the ceiling, replaying conversations, dissecting every glance, every word. It's easy to get caught up in the 'why'. Why did they do that? Why me? Why is this happening? But honestly, the 'why' rarely offers any real comfort. It's a rabbit hole of speculation and blame. What truly matters is the 'how'. How am I going to deal with this? How can I move forward? How can I stop feeling like I'm being slowly torn apart?

Instead of asking why someone chose another person, I started asking how I could reclaim my own sense of worth. It's a subtle shift, but it's made all the difference. It's about taking control, even when you feel like you have none. It's about finding a way to navigate the pain, not just understand it. If you are struggling with emotional eating, this might be a good approach.

Ancient Wisdom for Contemporary Emotional Turmoil

Turns out, this whole love-rivalry thing isn't exactly new. People have been grappling with jealousy and heartbreak for centuries. Reading about ancient philosophers, poets, and playwrights, I realised that my suffering, while intensely personal, is also part of a much larger human story. There's a strange comfort in that.

Seneca, for example, wrote extensively about managing emotions and accepting what you cannot control. His words, though written thousands of years ago, still ring true today. It's like, the more things change, the more they stay the same, especially when it comes to the messy business of the human heart.

The Enduring Mystery of the Human Heart

Ultimately, I think the human heart is a bit of a mystery, even to ourselves. We're capable of incredible love, loyalty, and compassion, but also of deep-seated jealousy, resentment, and even cruelty. Trying to fully understand it is probably a fool's errand. Maybe the point isn't to solve the mystery, but to accept it. To acknowledge the contradictions within ourselves and others, and to find a way to live with them. It's about embracing the messiness of it all, the beautiful, painful, and utterly baffling experience of being human. It's possible to become wiser in love.

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Navigating the Landscape of Insecurity

Insecurity, that unwelcome guest, always seems to crash the party when love's involved. It's like a shadow, lurking just behind the good times, whispering doubts and fears. I know it well. It's that feeling that I'm not good enough, not interesting enough, not enough enough to hold someone's attention. It's exhausting, isn't it? Constantly second-guessing, trying to be someone I think they want, instead of just being me. It's a trap, a self-made prison built on shaky foundations.

Identifying the Triggers of Self-Doubt

For me, it often starts with social media. Seeing pictures of them with other people, laughing, having fun. Rationally, I know it's just a snapshot, a curated highlight reel. But emotionally? It's a punch to the gut. It's the fear of being replaced, of not measuring up to their other friends, their exes, whoever. It's a constant comparison game, and I always seem to be losing.

Other triggers? Compliments they give to others, things they used to say to me but don't anymore, even just a change in their texting habits. It's pathetic, really, how much power I give these little things to derail my entire day. I need to understand these triggers, name them, and rob them of their power.

Building Resilience Against External Threats

Resilience. It sounds so strong, so impenetrable. But how do you actually build it? For me, it's about focusing on what I can control. I can't control who they talk to, who they find attractive, or what they do with their time. But I can control how I react. I can choose to believe in my own worth, regardless of their actions. I can choose to focus on my own goals, my own passions, my own life. It's not easy, but it's the only way to survive this.

Here are some things that help me:

• Spending time with friends who remind me of my good qualities.

• Working on projects that make me feel accomplished.

• Setting boundaries and sticking to them, even when it's hard.

It's about creating a buffer zone, a space where their actions don't have the power to completely destroy me. It's about remembering that my worth isn't tied to their opinion of me.

Cultivating Inner Strength Amidst Romantic Uncertainty

This is the hardest part, isn't it? Finding that inner strength, that unwavering belief in myself, even when everything feels uncertain. It's about learning to love myself, flaws and all. It's about accepting that I'm not perfect, that I'll make mistakes, and that's okay. It's about coping practically without needing constant validation from someone else.

It's a daily practise, a constant reminder that I am enough, just as I am. And that, ultimately, is the only thing that truly matters. Join the Unshakeable People Club. We're all works in progress, but we're in this together.

The Brutal Honesty of Self-Reflexion

It's a tough pill to swallow, isn't it? This whole love and rivalry thing. It forces you to look in the mirror, and not just at your hair or your clothes, but right into your soul. And what you see there? It ain't always pretty. It's messy, contradictory, and sometimes downright ugly. But that's where the real growth happens, in the muck and mire of our own imperfections.

Facing Your Own Capacity for Contradiction

I've always prided myself on being a rational person, someone who makes decisions based on logic and reason. But love? Love throws all that out the window. One minute, I'm telling myself I'm better off without them, that I deserve someone who appreciates me. The next, I'm scrolling through their social media, desperately trying to glean some clue, any clue, that they might feel the same way. It's embarrassing, this internal conflict, this constant push and pull. It's like I'm two different people fighting for control of the same body.

Unmasking the Roots of Your Jealousy

Jealousy is a nasty beast. It whispers insecurities in your ear, magnifying every flaw and weakness. For me, it always boils down to fear – fear of not being good enough, fear of being replaced, fear of being alone. It's a primal thing, this need to be loved and desired. And when that need isn't met, or when it's threatened, the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. I've realised that my jealousy isn't really about the other person; it's about my own self-doubt.

Embracing the Unpleasant Truths of Love

Love isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, it's a storm cloud, dark and turbulent. It can bring out the worst in us, make us act in ways we never thought possible. I've said things I regret, done things I'm not proud of, all in the name of love. And the hardest part is admitting that I'm not always the good guy in this story. I'm flawed, I'm selfish, and sometimes, I'm just plain wrong. But that's okay. Acknowledging those unpleasant truths is the first step towards becoming a better person.

It's easy to blame the other person, to paint them as the villain. But the truth is, we're all just trying to navigate this crazy thing called love as best we can. And sometimes, we stumble, we fall, and we make mistakes. The key is to learn from those mistakes, to grow from them, and to come out the other side a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little more compassionate.

Here are some things I've learned about myself through this whole ordeal:

• I'm more insecure than I thought I was.

• I have a tendency to compare myself to others.

• I need to work on my self-worth.

It's not easy, this self-reflexion. It's painful, it's uncomfortable, and it requires a level of honesty that most of us aren't used to. But it's worth it. Because on the other side of that pain, there's freedom. There's a chance to break free from the chains of obsession and redefine your relationship with love and rivalry. And that, my friends, is a prize worth fighting for.

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Finding Solace in Shared Human Experience

It's a strange thing, isn't it? Feeling utterly alone in something that's been felt by countless others. When you're wrestling with jealousy, it can feel like you're the only one who's ever felt this particular brand of crazy. But you're not. Not even close.

Connecting with Universal Themes of Love and Loss

Love and loss are the great levellers. Kings and paupers, poets and plumbers – we all get hit by them eventually. Recognising this is the first step to feeling less like you're trapped in your own personal hell. I remember reading somewhere that the oldest poem ever discovered was about heartbreak. Think about that for a second. Thousands of years ago, someone was scribbling about the same ache you're feeling now. It's a grim comfort, maybe, but a comfort nonetheless.

Drawing Strength from Historical Perspectives

History is full of stories of love triangles, betrayals, and unrequited affections. Cleopatra, Henry VIII, Elizabeth Taylor – their lives were soap operas on a grand scale. And while their circumstances were wildly different from ours, the underlying emotions were the same. They felt the sting of jealousy, the humiliation of rejection, the burning rage of betrayal. Reading about their experiences historical perspectives can give you a sense of perspective. It's a reminder that these feelings, however intense, are temporary and, dare I say, almost… normal.

The Comfort of Knowing You Are Not Alone

I think the worst part of jealousy is the isolation. The feeling that you're the only one going through this, that you're somehow flawed or inadequate. But that's a lie. We're all flawed, we're all inadequate in some way, and we've all felt the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head.

The truth is, human connection is the antidote to so much of our suffering. Talking to a friend, reading a novel, watching a film – anything that reminds you that you're part of something bigger than yourself can help to ease the pain.

It's about finding your tribe, your people, the ones who get it. And if you can't find them in real life, find them in books, in music, in art. The world is full of stories of people who have felt exactly what you're feeling right now. Don't let jealousy convince you that you're alone. You're not. And you never will be. Maybe you're feeling lonely even with friends?

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The Path to Emotional Liberation

This is where the real work begins, isn't it? After all the introspection, the brutal honesty, the acknowledging of pain, we finally arrive at the point where we can actually do something about it. It's not about forgetting, or pretending it didn't happen. It's about taking back the reins, about deciding how this experience shapes us, rather than letting it define us. I've been there, trust me. Feeling like a puppet, strings pulled by someone else's actions, someone else's choices. But the thing is, those strings are only as strong as we allow them to be.

Breaking Free from the Chains of Obsession

Obsession is a prison, built brick by brick with our own thoughts. It's replaying the same scene over and over, searching for a different outcome, a different ending. But the truth is, the scene is over. The ending is written. The only thing we can change is our reaction to it. I found myself trapped in this loop, constantly analysing, constantly wondering 'what if'. It was exhausting. The key, I realised, was to actively disrupt the cycle. To find something else to focus on, something that pulled me out of that mental rut. For me, it was rediscovering old hobbies, throwing myself into work, and reconnecting with friends. Anything to break the hold that obsession had on me. If you are struggling with negative thoughts, remember that you are not alone.

Redefining Your Relationship with Love and Rivalry

Love doesn't have to be a battlefield. Rivalry doesn't have to be a constant threat. These are narratives we create, stories we tell ourselves. But what if we rewrote them? What if we saw love as something abundant, something that doesn't diminish when shared? What if we viewed rivalry not as a personal attack, but as a reflexion of someone else's insecurities? It's about shifting our perspective, about choosing to see the situation differently. It's about understanding that someone else's actions don't define our worth. I started to see my 'rival' not as an enemy, but as another human being, flawed and vulnerable, just like me. And that changed everything. It allowed me to detach, to stop taking it all so personally. It's about healing from abusive relationship trauma and understanding your worth.

Forging a New Narrative of Self-Worth

Ultimately, this is about self-worth. It's about knowing that you are valuable, regardless of whether someone else chooses to love you or not. It's about understanding that your happiness doesn't depend on external validation. It's about building a solid foundation of self-love, so that when the storms of life come, you have something to anchor yourself to. I spent so long seeking validation from others, measuring my worth by their affection. It was a losing game. The moment I started to focus on my own needs, my own goals, my own happiness, was the moment I started to truly heal. It's a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks, there will be moments of doubt. But the key is to keep moving forward, to keep reminding yourself that you are worthy of love, worthy of happiness, worthy of a life free from the torment of rivalry. Remember to focus on healing from childhood emotional neglect.

It's not about pretending the pain doesn't exist. It's about acknowledging it, processing it, and then choosing to move forward, stronger and wiser than before. It's about taking control of your own narrative, about writing your own ending.

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Beyond the Pain: Cultivating Wiser Love

I've been through the wringer, haven't we all? Love, or the lack of it, can leave you feeling like you've been dragged through thorns backwards. But what if, instead of just surviving the pain, we could actually learn from it? What if jealousy, heartbreak, and rivalry could be the brutal teachers we need to finally understand what love truly means, and how to approach it with a bit more sense?

Learning from the Crucible of Jealousy

Jealousy, that green-eyed monster, isn't just a sign of weakness. It's a spotlight, shining on our deepest insecurities and unmet needs. The trick is to stop running from it and start examining what it's trying to tell us. Is it a lack of self-worth? A fear of abandonment? Once you identify the root cause, you can start to address it, and that's where the real growth begins. It's like cultivating resilience in your heart.

Making Conscious Choices in Matters of the Heart

Love often feels like a force of nature, something that sweeps us away without our consent. But that's a lie we tell ourselves. We always have a choice, even if it doesn't feel like it. We can choose who we give our energy to, what kind of relationships we cultivate, and how we respond to the inevitable challenges that arise. It's about moving from being a passive recipient of love to an active participant in its creation. It's about making resilient family bonds that last.

Evolving Your Understanding of Romantic Connection

My idea of love used to be some fairytale nonsense. Ride off into the sunset, happily ever after, the whole shebang. Now? I see it as something far more complex, more nuanced, and ultimately, more rewarding. It's not about finding the 'perfect' person, because they don't exist. It's about finding someone who's willing to grow with you, to face the messy realities of life together, and to choose each other, day after day, even when it's hard. It's about understanding that love isn't a destination, it's a journey, and the best journeys are the ones where you learn something along the way.

Love isn't some magical cure-all. It's a skill, a practise, a constant negotiation between two imperfect people trying to build something beautiful together. And like any skill, it takes time, effort, and a willingness to learn from your mistakes.

• Recognise your patterns in relationships. What kind of people are you drawn to? What are your dealbreakers?

• Set boundaries. Know what you're willing to accept and what you're not. Don't be afraid to walk away from situations that are toxic or unhealthy.

• Communicate openly and honestly. Don't bottle up your feelings. Talk to your partner about what's working and what's not.

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It's time to move past old hurts and build stronger, more caring relationships. Learn how to make your connections better and find true happiness. Visit our website to join the club and start your journey to wiser love today!

The Final Word

So, we've talked a lot about how to handle things when a love rival shows up. It's not easy, never is. But the main thing to remember, I think, is that you're not just a passenger in all this. You have choices. You can choose to get stuck in the pain, or you can choose to look at what's happening and figure out your next move. It's about taking back some control, even when everything feels out of whack. It's about understanding that your feelings are valid, but they don't have to run the whole show. You can learn from it, grow from it, and maybe, just maybe, come out the other side a bit tougher, a bit wiser. That's the real win, isn't it?

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I feel both love and hate for the same person?

It's normal to feel both love and dislike for someone at the same time, especially when they hurt you. This mix of feelings can make you feel pulled in different directions, like being stretched.

Why does being hurt make me want someone more?

When someone you care about acts badly, it can make you want them even more, even if you like them less. It's a strange but common reaction to being hurt in a relationship.

What causes the feeling of being 'tortured' by a love rival?

The feeling of being tortured by love rivals often comes from a mix of strong desire and feeling like you're losing control. It's like your emotions are fighting each other, making you feel helpless.

Can I do anything when I feel so helpless?

Even though it feels like you can't do anything when you're caught in these strong feelings, simply knowing that these emotions are happening to you, rather than you choosing them, can be a first step towards feeling more in charge.

Is it normal to have such confusing feelings in love?

Yes, it's very common to feel a mix of strong, opposite emotions in love. Many people throughout history have written about this exact struggle, showing it's a shared human experience.

Should I try to understand why I feel this way?

Focusing on 'how' these feelings happen, instead of 'why' they happen, can help. Understanding the process of your emotions can be more helpful than trying to find a single reason for them.

How does comparing myself to a rival hurt me?

Comparing yourself to others, especially a love rival, can make you feel bad about yourself. It's like giving yourself wounds by constantly measuring up.

Where can I find comfort when I'm struggling with these feelings?

Recognising that you're not alone in feeling this way can bring comfort. Many people have gone through similar emotional struggles, and learning from their experiences can help you cope.